It's a roller coaster

wow what a crazy couple of days, it's been a roller coaster of emotion for a ride but nobody got serverly injured ( yet ) so all is good.

A week ago I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle so I took a couple of days off work, while I was off we had a stock audit. Not an issue I thought my stocks have been quite good. You can imagine my surprise when I was told we were a substantial am out down at cost. I return to work do a stock and get a higher stock than usual. Yes I admit I have been making errors in my stock but i am using a system with countless flaws with little to no training even though it's been requested on several occasions to the point I asked the company director for it, but it takes a screw up like this where as I'm now been investigated for anyone to take note. I know I am many things but two things I am not is a liar or a thief and if they dare accuse me it will be a gloves off, no hold barred, slog it out brawl, and what makes my brain really itch...... The stock auditor can not count or add up but yet it's me been investigated go figure.

 K rant over all happy again :)

On a more positive note I've also had some good times it was my little miss mini 7th birthday ( yes she really is 7 ) over the weekend although sad I couldn't spend it with her due to Poly been Poly I got to speak to her on the day ( it wasn't pretty arranged with Poly ooops my bad lol ). We had a pre birthday the weekend before and we will have some dad daughter time this weekend.
I also had some good time with a special friend, just chilling, having a laugh and fun stuff. She has a unique personality and can not help but make you smile, I'm so lucky to have friends like this in my life. I must have done something right at some point to deserve people like this in my life. It must be fate. 

Happy Birthday S

Today would have been S birthday. She is in my thoughts daily. I woke this morning feeling sad unmotivated and down, my thoughts turned to S and she would not want me feeling this way. We were very much in love and we brought so much joy and happiness to each other and that's how she would want me to remember her. S was warm, loving, giving, caring, compassionate she was one hell of a woman. I feel truly blessed for knowing her as I did, she taught me so much, she was my rock, my confidont, my lover and most of all my friend. I miss her greatly and I always will. She was a huge part of my life for the short time we had, but that short time felt like a lifetime. I spent the day getting a massage and speaking to another very special friend, we just chilled and chatted and cooked, it was a happy day, I feel so lucky to have these special people in my life.

Happy birthday S, I love you my Angel, sleep well xxx

It's been awhile

it seams an age since my last blog, but I've been so busy with the everyday to day mundane things there really hasn't been much going on.
I was at the councillors again this last week, she seams to think I'm doing ok me on the other hand thinks they are going to put me in a padded room and throw away the key some days. I sat and cried for an hour with her while trying to de clutter the shed that is my head, told her about the antics of poly ( that still makes my brain itch ) and my thoughts and feelings about S and how S made me feel. We spoke about my hopes and dreams of been in love and loved again and how this absolutely petrifies me. I told her about me little out burst at work and she said its ok to feel just try not to let all my emotion build up under pressure and then explode out like that I need to let little bits out at a time. I have another session booked so I do think it's helping somewhat.
We only had one issue with poly this week which didn't pan out as she hoped. Lol. She tried to involve a friend of mine to get me to her way of thinking regarding the house but he basically told her what she was saying is ludicrous. P is an amazing guy he calls it exactly as he sees it, which is what I love about him. If I were to be stupid he'd tell me as he has done many times and also if he agrees with you he'll fight your corner all the way again which he has done many times.

It's also been a minis weekend which are always fun. We had a blast, me been chopped, sawn and jumped on. With nerf wars thank goodness we lost all the darts and no one got seriously hurt or maimed and playing cars trains and barbie.

Not a morning person

Some mornings are worse than others, today was not great I was snappy, argumentative and emotional. I always try and not take my emotions out on others but some time they just over flow, I try to keep them under control till I'm around people I can trust to talk to or am alone. I don't expect people I work with to understand my state of mind, I don't understand it myself half the time. I guess today was to much because they sent me home which saddens me. I know exactly what it was that  made me feel like this. I have an issue with my shoulder and it was hurting, people kept bugging me with stupidness and I had received mail from S sis it was all the cards from all the flowers I had ever sent and all the occasions we had had, it was a mix of all emotions I was happy, sad, thankful, upset and a whole heap more all rolled up but I was not angry. I was happy that S had kept even the flower cards it showed me that's she loved me to keep the small things.

I have known love and I want to know love again, it's a magical feeling like no other. The shrink says I have to feel my emotions, guess I picked the wrong time to feel today. 

Happy Bithday

It was my birthday yesterday I was 21 again but now with 16 years experience. My birthdays are usually a none event. It was also a minis weekend so I was happy, I really wasn't expecting them to come from Polly with a card or gift from them I wasn't disappointed but oh well. I know my children love me. Mom soon gathered them up to take them to choose something for me. They came back with a cake pop maker and various other little things. We then had great fun baking for the rest of the day.

Ingredients all weighed out ready

Daniel creamed the sugar and butter

Sam added the egg

Rosie adds the flour and milk

Mixture ready

  

Ready to go

First batch done 

We then made several more batches. The kids cousin came to help decorating and eating them this became the messiest part.

enjoying the fruits of their labor

Then the night time i went out and some how i ended up extremely intoxicated and the rest i can not remember :(

How one text can spoil a good mood?

I was having a good day, I slept for 7 hours yes you heard right 7 whole hours. Woke up feeling happy refreshed ready for the day. Went to see my therapist. I think the more often I go the more she understands my body can take a deep massage and that's what it needs, I've punished my body enough with all the stupid things I've done in my younger years. I got all my usual day off boring stuff done and spoke to a couple of friends, then I got to do one of my fav pass times. I got to bake with a close friend. Not the usual type of baking though we bake via text and video chat it's such fun. So all in all was a good day.

Then boom bomb shell Poly strikes

I get a text saying my boys had an hospital appointment today ( I knew they were expecting one just not when ) They both have heart murmurs one is down to the blood flow to his heart and the other has a hole, and they are been referred to a specialist. They hope the hole will close its self up.
I'm I wrong in thinking that it's my right as there father to be informed of such appointments? Does she not think I might have questions that I need answering? They are my kids too and I'd go though hell and high water for them. She said awhile ago she hasn't got the appointment though yet but she'd let me know when it was. ( this DID NOT happen ) I told her to let me know because I wanted to go it's my children's health we are talking about. Anything to do with the heart is quite serious in my book, but SHE said it would confuse the boys seeing us together and they would think we are getting back together ( last time I checked hell had not frozen over ) and I still say bs to that, all they need to know is both mommy and Daddy love them very much and when they have to go to places like hospital both of us need to be there. No? Does the same rule apply for the school plays? Next question will I find out about the specialist appointment in the same way? Will I be consulted if they need treatment?

Please share your thoughts and comments

Yes Chef

I stumbled upon a blog written by a chef. It made an interesting read ( for me anyway) it stated that one the the younger cooks refused to try certain foods because they didn't like them. I say how can you become a successful chef if your not prepared to try anything? I understand when I was a junior chef it was a different ball game, my first real head chef hospitalised me twice. If I I were to even think of doing the things I had done to me I'd be out of a job and on assault charges, but how can you not try foods? It was ingrained to me from the start try everything even if you don't like it you still NEED to know the flavour the texture of it. I work and trained with one of the worlds leading chefs and you had two choices try it or leave. Most of the time I didn't have a choice but to try it, he'd call my name, I'd turn say "yes chef " and with that I'd have a spoon of something in my mouth. It's just the way it was, this taught me so much about flavours, textures and combinations. Oh course there were things I didn't like things I didn't enjoy but that's my personal taste other people will like them and I now have the knowledge of how it tastes and how it works with other flavours for others to enjoy.
 The blog went on to say they have to delegate jobs to certain people because others wouldn't do them. Now I start to think this guy would not last 2 mins under my supervision especially if I'm not in a good mood, he'd soon be curled up in a corner crying for mommy. Damn if I can tell Ramsey to get the f**k out my kitchen this guy would be sorry he came through the door. Again I was taught NEVER ask anyone to do something that your not prepared to do yourself. I've seen a three star Michelin chef clean the canopy, wash dishes ans clean a grease trap, if they can do it be sure as hell you can.
Now I don't claim to be some badass chef, but push my buttons and you might not like the out come, yes I've made grown men cry like girls but I've also met and help create some amazing chefs. When it comes to it I love what I do, I care what I do and I'm damn good at what I do. S had a great belief in what I did, we used to cook by video chat, it was lets go to the fridge and see what we can make for dinner, which I do with others now it's such fun, to the point I also ask them to take pictures at the store and send me them so I know the correct ingredients are been bought. I catered for her very high end stores 70th anniversary it was attended by the who's who of her trade many multi millionaires and a celeb. It was published in two magazines so yes it may sound egotistical to say I'm good but I know I am and so did S.

Some say chefs are a different breed and yes we are, been a good chef is not a job it's a lifestyle. We are known for long hours in a hot environment, and short explosive tempers. Some are like this but not all of us. Mat of the horror stories you hear about chefs are untrue. I've been a chef 17 years and I can honestly say I've not once seen another Chef taint any customers food. In most fine dinning restaurants the chef will have spent hours trying to perfect every dish on the menu, so next time you dine out please spare a thought for the person cooking for you. A thank you goes a long way with most chefs.